Winning Battles through Worship (Part II)

The Lord has been gracious in His patience to soften and mold my heart and mind. As weeks passed, the request of special music became a validated need as the Sabbath service continued with no special music. It became a longing and a burdened desire. I knew the meaning behind His order of the services. The ministry of psalm to go before the receiving of the message was to soften and be still the hearts.

Colossians 3:16. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

Time and time again, God used music to minister to the hearts of His people. To awaken their soul to worship through their adversities to show who God is. Worship in psalm was a sign of His people acknowledging the presence of the Lord who walks with them through all things.

Psalms 57:7-8 7. My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. 8. Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.

God was bringing to my remembrance His glory and presence within psalm and music. The many battles won through worship. Not by our own merits but by inviting and acknowledging He who is our Advocator, Savior, and Friend. I messaged my sister in Christ to notify her, I would like to do special music next Sabbath. I kept this between God and me through the week as He prayerfully poured into me with encouraging me, I am not alone. Overcoming my doubt is acknowledging the opportunity to solely rely on Him to prepare me. This was a personal test of faith that I needed to discern alone, if I will go forward believing and trusting God is for me.

Sabbath morning came. We went to church and God truly was among us. The children's story was shared by a fellow sister in Christ who spoke specifically about worshipping in psalm. God was ministering to my heart speaking through this sister, reminding me that is not a stage, but an altar of worship. A testimony of God, nothing more, nothing less.

As I got up and shared a small testimony regarding my wrestle and conviction from when I received the request to now, it truly is by faith I stand desiring to testify. My victory to stand despite myself, is because of Him. Not because I can sing (because I can't) but because He is my song. As I spoke I could feel my voice cracking and my eyes begin to water. The thing I knew was bound to happen because I tend to cry when speaking about my journey with God. I get emotional when I get vulnerable. As I began to sing, I continued to cry because the words were not just a testimony but a continued message of my own continuous renewing and need. A true cry of seeking and remembrance. I ended up messing up and started again closing my eyes to focus on the message rather seeing all the eyes pressing on me. But then, unexpectedly I realized a choir had started. Many were singing along and it prompted me to open my eyes, realizing it wasn't eyes looking at me but hearts. Hearts opening up willingly receiving the testimony and joining in testimony. I heard my children sing and I glanced over to them with a smile. God was graciously saying I was not alone. My brethren in Christ were also saying, I am not alone. 🥹🥲🔥🙌

I definitely am not the most talented in singing. I definitely will avoid being in the spotlight. Yet here, God was being victorious by making strides of healing and growth in my walk to heed the call despite my shortcomings and with extending the message of humility to stay the course of understanding, God is looking for willing souls. He is in the business of winning souls. Not looking for the best preachers, best choir, best deacons, best elders, best dorcas, children's ministry...no, He's not looking for you to sacrifice or even uplift your talents, He's looking for your obedience.

Isaiah 6:8 "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I, send me."

Here God was bridging the vulnerability my teenagers and I were seeking in the space of fellowship within our extended church from our home church. God was calling me to lead in a space of repairing a breach from my youth to my children's youth.

I got to converse with a few of my brothers and sisters in Christ after service. It was a blessing to show vulnerability to my brethren. It was a space I felt that was necessary too because so many are deceived into thinking we have it altogether. There is so much unpacking, unlearning, and learning on top of being diligent to cultivate habits and character development all awhile healing, mending and tending to being individuals and a family all at once. Meeting those needs and refining daily behind the scenes in our everyday life is truly experiencing the great controversy and practicing in faith the need to call upon the Lord. It's easy to sit in church for an hour or two because we understand that's not the challenge in this season for us. My kids love church because they have come to love our home church, so it's natural to sit as they would in family worship. It's the every day living of working together and yielding to His Spirit between worship to apply those principles and lessons through the week, testing our relationships and individuality. We have been seasoned with experience having been married for 15 years now and with 7 children but that savor came in due season of due diligence of consistent sowing in faith despite the mistakes, challenges, weariness, selfishness, stubbornness, and doubts. God was still knocking and as many times as we fell down to our own demise, God extended His everlasting arm to get back up and continue the narrow road.

Proverbs 24:6 "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief."

Luke 16:10-12 "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much. If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is your own?"

As much as so many have witnessed change, there is much more to be changed still. We are still a working progress of sanctification. So I am not ashamed to show vulnerability because it is a strength of mine. In my youthful training by my dad's desire to dwell and converse with me, I learned vulnerability connects minds, hearts, and souls. Vulnerability is the softening of the heart to seeking a need outside of oneself. That was the talent that God wanted to use in the opportunity of me singing. It was not about my singing but the vulnerability of obedience to be used despite oneself.

1 Samuel 15:22 "And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams."

As we did family worship to close Sabbath that evening. We went around for open discussion on what blessings we received and learned. One of my teenagers expressed they thought it was pretty cool that the church started to sing along to help me sing. I smiled because it wasn't a chorus we ever sang in church for song service but many knew the song. God's people have a certain song and when they are called to worship, they will join in one accord to sing of the victory won in knowing Him who reigns in their hearts who has become their voice of truth, light, and love, unifying them as one flesh, one body.

Exodus 15:2-3 2. The Lord is my strength and song, and He is become my salvation: He is my God, and I will prepare Him an habitation, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. 3. The Lord is a man of war: The Lord is His name.

The song: The Savior is Waiting

The Savior is waiting to enter your heart

Why don't you let Him come in

There's nothing in this world to keep you apart

What is your answer to Him

Time after time He has waited before

And now He is waiting again

To see if you're willing to open the door

Oh how He wants to come in

If you'll take one step towards the Savior, my friend

You'll find His arms open wide

Receive Him, and all of your darkness will end

Within your heart He'll abide

Time after time He has waited before

And now He is waiting again

To see if you're willing to open the door

Oh how He wants to come in

Oh how He wants to come in

Winning Battles through Worship:

I. The Battle is not Ours to Fight, but to Worship Him whose Battle it is!

As our Creator, Savior, and Friend, God continues to minister to us our need to trust and

obey Him. Only to believe we serve a King who is just and good. A King who goes before us on the

battlefield with the fight being His and the victory being in our faith to yield to a faithful King.

(2 Chronicles 20:15) And he said, "LISTEN, ALL YOU OF JUDAH and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: 'Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's.

Reflection: 
It's funny how our human nature always want to be used in a mighty memorable way and when God gives us a simple order, we are offended. It reveals pride, selfishness, and unbelief. I think of Naaman as a leader who feels the instructions are unreasonable. I have come to truly realize, the "simple things" are not that simple especially when your character is tested. Moses only had to hit the rock once but his anger got the best of him and he hit it twice when he was to speak to it. These examples are showing my willingness even as a leader is being tested among witnessing, my individual growth is still being refined. (2 Kings 5:1-19; Exodus 17; Numbers 20)

II. The War is Spiritual, We need a Spiritual Leader & Savior!

War is defined as an intense armed conflict between states, governments, societies, or paramilitary

groups such as mercenaries, insurgents, and militias. Yet that is the definition of the wars conducted

between the kingdoms of this world. The first war was in heaven. It sounds like an oxymoron to say there

is war in heaven, a holy place of peace. Yet it was not a physical war like here on earth, but a spiritual war

of what thus saith the Lord. God is reminding His people, though we face physical wars there is a deeper

rooted war of sinful nature. The great controversy of good and evil. We are incapable of withstanding

unless we truly partake in the offering of the redemption plan by receiving Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

Reflection:
It's so easy to passively get caught up in positions, especially within leadership. Leaders have a great commission in leading. Good leaders understand being an effective leader is investing in the welfare of your people but most importantly showing them who leads you. Moses was commissioned to lead but he was not a good speaker. God redirected his acknowledged weakness by questioning who made man's mouth? God was inviting Moses to reason this commission was not based on his strength but willingness. God had preserved Moses training of unlearning in the wilderness and now was the opportunity to test the condition of Moses heart to willingly trust and obey God's will.(Exodus 4)I must be honest and aware without God leading me, I am not fit to lead.

III. As the Army of Christ, The Church MUST BE UNITED IN ONE ACCORD!

God describes His relationship with the church as a marriage in Ephesians 5:23 "For the husband is the

head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself it's Savior." They are to be

evenly yoked as one body, mind, and Spirit. When we have individually accepted being a part of the

body of Christ, we accept being as one with our brothers and sisters in Christ to the leading of God's

will in our lives. 1 Corinthians 12:12 "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the

members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ." This would lead us to be unified

in the work God has called us to do in the edifying of His people, also being a testament of His

leadership to unite all kindred, all nations, all sinful nature to be renewed and made whole as His.

When God speaks His order to His people to move in faith, and they take Him at His word to abide in

His will He is glorified. God is uplifted above our own understanding, will, and merits. He is honored and

we get to partake in the gospel by testifying of His goodness.

Exodus 15:1-3 1. Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the Lord, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the Lord, for He hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea. 2. The Lord is my strength and song, and He is become my salvation" He is my God, and I will prepare Him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt Him. 3.The Lord is a man of war: The Lord is His name.

Reflection:
The state of the church is a reflection of the individual heart conditions within the church. When there is unison to trust and obey we can experience the blessings of moving as one. When there is unwillingness and disconnection it is a result of not being in one accord with God therefore unable to be one in worship together as one body. 

Healing Battles with Your Voice (Part I)

I grew up in a home where marriage was complicated. Though my parents are not divorced, they were separated majority of my childhood. I was raised primarily in a single parent home. We attended a local Samoan SDA church my dad's family were pioneers in so majority of the church members were family. My rollercoaster childhood had us in and out of church. My parents estranged marriage definitely affected the dynamic of our family and our relationships. My dad was more in tuned with being emotionally connected and present in being an open door for communication. I felt more inclined to share and converse with my dad so it put a strain in feeling heard or validated in my home. I turned to music as therapy and writing. I associated music with feeling my emotions, basking in the space of just embracing it without having to voice it myself. Writing became an outlet to reflect and thoroughly process my thoughts, experiences, and voice. It gave me a safe haven to be heard.

As I entered adulthood, I got married and became a mother, I distant myself from the church. Witnessing the friction of culture, family, and faith in my childhood, then experiencing it within my own growing family. I was fed up, and I wanted no part of it. I didn't want my family to partake in the taboo madness of the traditional clashes between culture, family, and faith that all were being justified in the name of the Lord but were disconnected intimately that there was no true growth and unity within.

Yet, after a few years of marriage and parenting; I found myself desperately needing answers to life and what is truth. I found myself crying out to God. Needing answers to marriage, to parenting, to family life. As much as I was willing and yearning for my family to be whole, I didn't know the process for that. I thought by having the stable career jobs, having our own place, and living the American dream was the success of the family. It was so timely when my husband's big brother invited us to a seminar around this time and it was based on the family life in Christ. It was then, I was willing to truly search God myself to understand His ways rather than what I had experienced to be normal in the church and family.

God was so faithful as He started to do a great work of unlearning and learning in me. He was reforming my understanding as to how I can discern each can coexist within the boundaries of my convictions and order of His will. There was a direct disconnect in daily practical living from family fellowship to church fellowship. Also, being raised as first generation American, completely americanized, the samoan language and traditions were just as foreign to me as any other culture. Yet here, as I sat at the feet of Jesus, He was weeding out the confusion to replace it with His order. It was a revelation of hope, truth, and light for this weary soul. He was feeding me all His love, mercy, grace, and order with truth and it truly was a light unto my feet. I started to feel God building my voice within my home as a daughter of Christ, a wife, and mother. I began to believe family was a ministry and home was your first church.

Being able to implement family worship and family Bible lessons correlated with conducting song service and learning hymns. Teaching and learning hymns along side my children to parallel with our Bible lessons and character quality study became an instant favorite form of worship for my children and me. They enjoyed singing and being able to impress the lessons with practical daily living experiences which made the Bible lessons more real and ever present in our minds. It was healing for me in this space of making a connection between home and church. Something that was a wrestle for me to discern because the spirit of unity and willingness to serve seemed to be only at church than at home.

(Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
4. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord:
5. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
6. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sitters in thine house, and when thou walkers by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou rises up.
8. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hands, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 
9. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

I found myself constantly humming the hymns through the day. Hymns became my choice of music to listen at home and in the car rather than my usual go to theraputical music for cleaning which were oldies and R&B. There was a different sense of awareness that hymns brought that secular music seemed to lack. Oldies and R&B could get your flesh moving with validating or enhancing emotions felt. Yet hymns moved me different. There was a serene promise of hope outside my flesh that was moving in a space of Godly love in truth, promise, joy, and peace. Being able to channel that kind of worship in house with my children at their young age was redemption in my family experience. Their willingness to not just sing praise at home but even with special music at church truly was reforming the experience of home church to the extended church.

It made me reflect on how I use to practice singing at home when younger for my solos or special music but now for daily living. The words of the songs were testimonies of the writers who endured times of grief, mourning, praise, and joy with the word of God as their emphasis of withstanding their experiences. When I didn't have the strength to pray or study, needed motivation or encouragement to endure, hymns became my solace. They were the precepts that were embedded in my heart to press on with the hope of clinging to His promises and brought to remembrance in my time of need. Being able to find hymns as a resource of blessed assurance and chastening of hope in the songs was finding peace in His word, His character, and His promises.

(Psalms 5:11)
"But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. SPREAD YOUR PROTECTION OVER THEM, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

(Psalm 34:1-2)
"I will extol the Lord AT ALL TIMES; His praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; LET THE AFFLICTED HEAR AND REJOICE."

Fast forward to now, my older three are teenagers and we are in a whole new state and church community. They're older now and we are in a season of more reasoning for discernment of trust and convictions because they're more aware in vocalizing freedom of choice and their own understanding. It's a crucial time of truly extending grace, mercy, and patience with the love of the Father to be a witness of how He loves and unites with His character.

(1 Peter 3:15)
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that sketch you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear."

A month ago, I received a text from a church member asking if any of my family members or family would like to do special music. It's been a few years since my children have done special music. When I brought it up to my children my older four were hesitant. A whole different response from previous years which didn't discourage me because they are older now with a safe space to question and share their honest thoughts. The emphasis in sharing this, is one of my teenagers had asked a great question. They asked, "Do we have to because I don't want to." I said no, you do not have to and it can be something we pray about. They replied, "Well, would it be right for me to do it if my heart wasn't in it? Wouldn't that be dishonest?"

I appreciated her honesty so much because these are real life situations for a teenager discerning their faith walk and the truth of where they understand convictions, character building, and honoring God. One of the things I teach my children is understanding their will ought to be king to discern their choices on a matter. The three judges to help discern good judgement is your conscience, common sense, and heart's desire. Your conscience judges if this is right or wrong. Common sense judges is it best? Your heart's desire judges do I really want it? All three ought to be in agreement, if not then you must study and reason the truths of the matter to be evenly yoked in the truth of where the discord is.

I shared stories from the Bible where God called people to do a work they felt unqualified to do or were not in agreement to do along with feeling helping others was not worth the risk or deserving. The focus was their understanding and heart's desire over the matter, rather considering the faith required to move in the truth of what was best and right because by default our all knowing God knows best and is good has spoken His will to bring a conscience of common sense in the matter. So the necessary work is moving in faith outside our own heart desire trusting His will is best and good.

This of course made me reflect on my own experience in my youth. How God has not only been gracious to reform worship in psalm in my life to understand His promises and goodness but experience that. I was grateful to implement a better parallel and extension of home worship to church worship for my children but I realized listening to my teenager, being an introvert, I too still felt the same way of going on stage. God has been gracious in my healing journey with homeschooling because having my children sit at my feet and simplify His word has helped my recovering of being a perfectionist and over thinker. It has created a healthy space of training to witness in storytelling which has been a blessing when I get the opportunity to extend that in the church with children's story too. Teaching children helps you focus on the simplicity of the message for their understanding which can chasten an adult like me. Out of the mouth my babes, my God has constantly softened my heart and chastened it for me to heal and grow in truth.

(Matthew 21:16)
And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?

(Hebrews 10:24,25)
"24. And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
25. Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more, as you see the Day approaching."

Instead of focusing on my desire of where I want my children to be, by knowing and doing better than me. I realized, I too needed to face the inconsistency of my willingness and witness. I had willingly volunteered my children previously when they were willing to worship and now that they were in a space of questioning of their convictions and reasoning...had I realized I too have been in the same state? I was willing to sing at family worship understanding the willingness to train and unite at home because I grew up with the disconnect of my home church to the extended church. I was willing to stand and sing during song service because by default it was a connection of my personal and family worship to share in the space of community worship. However, have I come to be unashamed to testify of His song in my life? Was I willing to stand alone to testify and sing of His glory in my life? My children were indirectly being used to rebuke me in seeing my very own heart condition of the matter. Have I come to the state of conforming to comfortability in my willingness to serve and praise?

God has been so gracious in reforming my walk, witness, and worship. He helped me with my inner need of understanding His tone of voice speaks grace, love, mercy, joy, peace, and patience. His character and promises are evenly yoked like a song, His character does not miss a beat of testifying His faithfulness. Am I willing to hide behind His cross to share the song He has given me? Because the front of the church is not a stage for performance, it's an altar to lay down self to serve God and others.

The funny part is, since receiving the text from my sister in Christ, our Pastors' and Elders' sermons have been geared around the purpose of worship with an emphasis of the worship in psalm. The greatest battle we face is our selfishness in our sinful nature. Each week of Bible study, daily practical lessons, reflecting, Sabbath sermons, and prayer led to softening more my heart. The inconsistency of special music each Sabbath was pulling at my heart more and more because I knew God is a God of order. Special music is specifically before the sermon to prepare the hearts of His people to receive the message.

Isaiah 28:9,10
9 Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. 
10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:

2 Timothy 3:16,17
16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
17 That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

As I was reviewing the sermon references, reflecting and studying our family study, praying, and examining my own heart, God was softening it to yield my heart's desire for His will. This is the greatest battle we face, the battle of self. Coming from a broken home and feeling as though my voice and place in the home was not valid, God has truly been healing my discernment of purpose and identity in Him by walking with Him. He has been healing my understanding of what it means to use my voice in my home and my positions held here are valid and a ministry of His glory. I was no longer in survival mode defensive to my own regard but I found myself kneeling asking God to intercede, opening my Bible and asking Him to search my heart and reveal to me His words to bring peace, life, and love where my situations and relationships fail me.

Looking back in time, the want of validation, affirmation, and being heard in my childhood was also poured into making space for being a leader in my own marriage and parenting within my new family. I understand now, God has also been waiting to be heard and validated. His voice has become a sweet oasis to bridging my need in my humanity with His desire to bless in His Divinity. For that, I have truly come to regard the beauty of the gospel and the purpose He has revealed to me in my walk and what I testify to be in His glory.

God has been training my voice to be an ambassador in my home. To be an instrument of light for my husband and children as a witness to His goodness. Speaking His love language to nurture with every word in gentleness, patience, forgiveness, understanding, grace, and love. My voice is being tested daily in the refining of being evenly yoked with my Heavenly Father to speak to His children in my home. For them to truly see His order, His character, His purpose, and His love is truly in favor of us to be whole and united as one. A lot easier said than done I truly realize now experiencing marriage and motherhood myself.

So as I prayerfully venture into sharing this space of letting my voice be a witness outside my home...

I pray God continues to be glorified.